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Joke of the Day

"""My wife's having a relationship with the Speaker of the House of Representatives"" ""Boehner?"" ""No, she assures me it's completely platonic."""

"Why did the blind girl fall in the well? She couldn't see that well."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of a boat? Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."

"All these knights going on a quest for the Holy Grail was a waste. They should've just asked their moms. Moms can find anything."

"People think Jesus was so great... But all he did was give fish to a thousand people. &nbsp; You forget that Hitler made 6 million people toast."

"WebMD says pregnancy symptoms are fatigue, tender breasts, irritability, cravings, and headaches. All chicks are pregnant. All. The. Time."

"[interview at Bass Pro Shops] So, tell me a little about yourself. Me: *dressed in camouflage* Wait, you can see me?!"

"What did the Grapefruit basketball coach say to the worst player on the team? You're going to have to ci-tris one out."

"[restaurant] *motions for waiter* Waiter! Bill please! *Bill comes out & dances embarrassingly to entertain me & the guests* Thanks Bill!"

"Posted a picture of my privates on Facebook... I guess you could call it Ballsy"