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Joke of the Day

"[interview at Bass Pro Shops] So, tell me a little about yourself. Me: *dressed in camouflage* Wait, you can see me?!"

"The gun range is great practice for being attacked by a paper target."

"I accidentally said Hello to a feminist the other day. The court trial starts tomorrow."

"Have you seen the special message written at the bottom of a condom when you roll it all the way out? Me neither.."

"Me: Honey, are you awake? [wife rustles] Hmmm? Me: When we were fighting & you said ""Wolverine's powers suck,"" did you really mean that"

"If I had a time machine, sure I'd go back & kill Hitler, but first I'd pick up an ice cold Coca Cola Classic! (sponsored tweet)"

"One time I got so high that I accidentally got a job at McDonald's."

"Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. Two women trying to kill each other over shoes. Brilliant, really."

"What do you call a foot doctor, curled up in a ball on the floor? A pedal physician in the fetal position."

"'Don't say foreskin instead of four score don't say foreskin instead of four score you GOT this Abe' *AHEM* ""FORESKIN FUCK LEMME START OVER"""