175951

Joke of the Day

"[1st time buying drugs] Me: can I get a *reads smudged notes on hand* married iguana Guy: *opens coat to reveal married iguanas* Me: hell ya"

"Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years"

"If you have rectal cancer and it's treated with radiation therapy... Is that a Rem job?"

"Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying. ""If you build it...they will come""?"

"why did Bob quit working at the toilet paper factory? Because he was tired of working with assholes all day"

"I don't always kill spiders, sometimes I stare at them a short while to see if we can reach an understanding"

"A black man, an Asian and a Mexican walk into a bar and the bartender tells them to get out."

"The weatherman keeps saying we are getting a pounding. *Followed*"

"Algorithm Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did."

"The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you're fighting with your brother."