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Joke of the Day

"Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying. ""If you build it...they will come""?"

"What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, ""When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?"" ###SOMEDAY ###SOMEDAY! ###SOMEDAY!!"

"I do not have bad attitude... I have a low tolerance for bullsh1t."

"[interview] BOSS: How many words can you type a minute? ME: Probably all of them BOSS: What do you mean? ME: Well, like for example, pickle"

"My girlfriend kept asking me why I wasn't giving her the time of day anymore I said fine! It's 10:43"

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"I've been seeing a lot of commercials for lawsuits concerning metal on metal hip implants. I'm going back in time and getting a hipster implant, before metal was cool."

"The first guy that paid for life insurance died never knowing if it was a scam."

"People used to laugh at me when I said I wanted to become a comedian... well nobody's laughing now!"

"Which horse runs the city? The mare, of course"