175735

Joke of the Day

"new joke I know this deaf musician, he plays a keyboard with one hand... and sings with the other"

"Discipline in the Home by Wilma Child-Begood"

"""Oh you like this cake? (*Tosses cake out the window*) Oops."" - Game of Thrones"

"I like my mashed potatoes like I like my babies smothered - thought of this while making dinner and discussing having children with my fiance... I don't think I'm ready for kids"

"People who are offended when I breastfeed in public need to STFU. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog."

"[Freddy Krueger enters my dream but I'm blasting Rebecca Black on repeat] Who's nightmare is it now Freddy?!"

"Noah build an ark ""what? why"" I'm gunna flood the earth ""just give me fish powers"" [jealous he didn't think of that] JUST DO WHAT I SAY!"

"I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes."

"Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends."

"Which is worse, insouciance or ignorance? I don't know and I don't care."