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Joke of the Day

"Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends."

"Just read ""four years after pregnancy 38% of moms still were not drinking"" I think it's safe to say this survey was not done on Twitter."

"Boss: You can't drink while you're working! Me: Oh, I'm not working."

"why do they throw shit at a pakistani wedding? keeps the flies away from the bride"

"I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things I think people need to know, NASA."

"Little did he know that his foot powered filing system would have made him billions if he had only thought of a better name - The Ped-o-file"

"My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn't a good idea. The steaks would be too high."

"Why do feminists hate Apple? Because they're not PC."

"What breaks when you give it to a baby? Its hips."

"My celebrity status application was denied Because I marked ""no"" in the section saying ""I support clobbering women"""