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Joke of the Day

"The ex just asked me how can one have a soulmate if one has no soul? Wonder which of us he was referring to?"

"It's like these people at the liquor store have never seen somebody pay with this much change"

"Mercury has a harsh climate, as the day time temperature is 430 degrees Celcius. At night however, it freezes to -170 degrees Celcius. First world problems."

"If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive... I'll be a millionaire!"

"What did one ghost say to another ghost? ""Do you believe in people?"""

"Did I tell you guys about my awesome camping trip? Yea, it was in tents"

"My new years resolution is the same as last year. 1920x1080"

"Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day."

"A Conductor ... What do you call a part time conductor ?? . . . a *semiconductor*"

"My wifes birthday My wife asked me for something that went from 0-200 insanely fast. Bought her a pair of scales"