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Joke of the Day

"My wifes birthday My wife asked me for something that went from 0-200 insanely fast. Bought her a pair of scales"

"Take me with you! I shout to every airplane that flies over my house."

"I just came up with a great joke about blowjobs. I'd share it, but I'm afraid it'd be in poor taste."

"The declawed cats that I feel most sorry for are the ones that want to play scratch off lottery tickets."

"Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza."

"You know what I'd like for Christmas, mom? I'd like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I'd like some money and some new socks."

"Why is it NASA has never sent a woman to the moon? It don't need cleaning!"

"Why do doctors slap babies bums when then are born? Because the balls fall off of the stupid ones."

"I asked a terrorist how his day was going... He said it was great, his son died in a car bombing. The only problem? His son borrowed his car."

"What will you find in the toilet of a ship? The captains log."