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Joke of the Day

"There's no easy way to say this... FJdnfiouadp, djfpiocu aneouidf, acnslikfiucukuokjpqukd. Diuoiufpqknddiolololdiodoodlioaidoiucnbnzquznd. Qudfiout'z'ndfjoikcugh."

"*Brings 8 year old back to hospital nursery with receipt* This one doesn't listen anymore...Can I get a new one?"

"I just realized Alaska has some really weird city names Did Juneau that?"

"If Donald Trump enacts a law saying baby strollers cannot be more than twice the width of the babies in them, I will vote for him in 2020."

"My grandpa has a heart of a lion... ... and a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"It must be tough for a woman going through her OKCupid messages finding a good one... It's like finding a needle in a hey-stack."

"I'm going to have to rethink my time machine rental business. People keep bringing them back a day before they rented them."

"TOP TEN REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN RELIGION"

"How do you say Philippines in Ebonics? Colombia"

"scientists agree that following me on twitter is a clear sign you were classified as Above Average as kid and used it as an excuse to coast"