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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to have to rethink my time machine rental business. People keep bringing them back a day before they rented them."

"I love when people misuse the word ""literally"". It literally makes me fart rainbows."

"Women! They assume everything but the position."

"Under a bridge, harassing goats. That's how I troll."

"Are those against upgrading to OSX Yosemite... Anti-Yosemites?"

"A girl phoned me the other day and said...""Come on over, there's nobody home."" I went over. Nobody was home."

"Guy on phone telling gf he's bringing her a HUGE bouquet b/c 'she deserves the best'. Hilariously, he was peeing at a urinal the whole time."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a baby I won't rape the pizza before I put it in the oven"

"Did you hear the joke about the ageless baby? It never gets old. Did you hear the joke about Michelle Obama's vagina? It's a dark one."

"""I wanna fu*k you so bad right now."" ""WHAT!?"" ""Damn autocorrect, I meant ""hey"""