95862

Joke of the Day

"scientists agree that following me on twitter is a clear sign you were classified as Above Average as kid and used it as an excuse to coast"

"Why people don't use #YOLO anymore? Because they lived once"

"Did you here about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months."

"There's a new biographic movie about Tolstoi TolStory coming soon to theaters near you"

"Me: So, what do you do for a living? Her: I flip houses. Me: You must have incredible lower back strength. Her: You're an idiot."

"Mom: you failed your english test, didn't you? Me: who telled you?"

"No matter how hard you push the envelope It still remains stationery"

"I hope Death is a woman That way, it will never come for me"

"Who's the most badass flower salesman? Chuck Florist"

"A man walks into a barn The horse says, ""Why the wrong place?"""