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Joke of the Day

"scientists agree that following me on twitter is a clear sign you were classified as Above Average as kid and used it as an excuse to coast"

"When an elevator stops at your floor, a nice thing to do is to hug the person next to you and say, ""This was fun. Let's keep in touch."""

"6yo: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU 8yo: AND ALSO WITH YOU When their Star Wars obsession mixes with that time Nana took them to Catholic mass."

"A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for an innuendo... ..So he gave her one."

"What do you tell a mathematician if he does drugs? You're high-on-pot...enuse. Thanks Key&Peele, I'll see myself out."

"Did you hear about the comedian that calls himself ""The Sofa King""? He's sofa king funny."

"Cat owner : wow my pet cat really likes you Me: yeah well that's just because I have at least 2 sardines in my left pocket at any given time"

"Why don't you tell us what's really wrong, loud sneezers?"

"Why was Yoda afraid of 7? Because 6 7 8."

"There are two types of people in the world... 1. People who masturbate 2. Fucking Liars"