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Joke of the Day

"I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early."

"News of Whitney Houston's death traveled with such speed. When I heard I couldn't help but crack up with emotion. She was a real heroin. It's such a blow. She really made a hash of things though."

"My brother was born backwards... His nose runs and his feet smell."

"Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are on a plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America."

"""How did you sleep?"" ""On my back, mostly. At one point I tried to climb into my dryer but I couldn't fit."""

"Juicy J What did Juicy J say when he cummed all over his legs? Jizz on mah feet, yeah, Jizz on mah feet.."

"What did the plate say to the mug? Food's on me tonight."

"Melon love Two melons in a romantic relationship were discussing their feelings for each other. ""Honeydew you love me?"" asked the first. ""Yes,"" replied the second, ""but we cantaloupe."""

"So then, the rhino looked at the elephant and said ""What about the weasel?"" That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win."

"What's the difference between a refugee and E.T? E.T learned English and wanted to go home"