210071

Joke of the Day

"Cheezus take the wheel! *bud um sch*"

"Hellen Keller walks into a bar. And then a table, and then a stool."

"I'm not racist! I have like 3 friends! And five of them are black."

"I worked as a programmer for autocorrect but the fried me for no raisin #PunYourJob"

"Does anyone else ever hear their alarm go off in the morning and immediately start rationalizing quitting your job?"

"How do monkeys go down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster! :D"

"Whats the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? ...I don't pay 100$ to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"I hear U.S military bases in the Middle East party hard. The soldiers there are always taking shots."

"Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence."

"Guy calls 911... ...says, ""Help me, help me, my wife's having a baby!"" 911 Operator says, ""Ok, sir, remain calm, is this her first child?"" Guy says ""No, it's her fucking husband!"""