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Joke of the Day
"Went to the zoo and all they had was one dog. It was a Shih Tzu."
Next Joke
"You know youre getting old when Santa starts looking younger."
"What do you call a Chinese millionaire? Cha Ching"
"Communist alternative of ""grab 'em by the pussy"" would be... ...""seize the means of reproduction."""
"I hate when I read something so offensive on Twitter that my monocle falls out of my eye and into my brandy snifter."
"Life is like a toilet paper... You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver."
"Next time somebody calls your home phone... Say ""Can I call you back? I'm driving."""
"Do you know how old I am? I'm so old that I was around when the Dead Sea was just sick. (Told to me by my grandfather)"
"Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he's going to take a dump in the minivan, he's not making idle threats"