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Joke of the Day
"96.86% of pastries are not s"
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"Most of my one night stands happened because they knew they would get a fabulous breakfast the next morning."
"What band's fanbase is the most charitable? U2, they're all pro-bono."
"She's not my fake internet girlfriend, she's my eBae."
"What do you call a child that's good at digging? A minor"
"Server: Would you like another glass of wine? Me: I'm sorry, I don't have time Server: For the wine? Me: No, for silly questions"
"No matter who you vote tonight to become our next president.. there is going to be a blonde sitting in the Oval Office in about 3 months.."
"So I go in for my physical... And the doctor says ""I need a semen, stool, and urine sample."" I say ""Gee doc, I'm in a big hurry. Can I just leave my underwear?"" *Taken from Bill Paxton in Predator 2.*"
"I just recently became a vegetarian. I quit meat cold tofu."
"A woman is a lot like an oven You gotta warm her up first but then you can put your meat inside."