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Joke of the Day

"I just recently became a vegetarian. I quit meat cold tofu."

"I'm should probably update everyone who wrote ""Have a great summer!"" in my high school yearbook. It was okay."

"Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later."

"What do you get when you stick your dick in yogurt without asking first? Rape culture."

"My Favorite Limerick There once was a fellow McSweeney Who put some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his girlfriend a martini"

"At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was too salty. My wife had to leap over the table and cover my mouth before I said something."

"hello id like a reservation for two. also what is yr policy on cats. i wanna bring like seven cats. ive practiced fitting them on one chair"

"Why do mathematicians think that spring is summer? It's not their fault. May tricks them."

"I found my stolen briefcase pretty quickly... You could say it was a brief case."

"Why are male bathrooms on the left, and female bathrooms on the right? Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're full of shit."