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Joke of the Day

"I just recently became a vegetarian. I quit meat cold tofu."

"How do you get down off an elephant? You don't. You get down off a duck."

"Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the asshole for tripping him??"

"Chief cop: ""This might be racially motivated."" Ian: ""Hate crime?"" Chief cop: ""We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."""

"Field testing has shown that coworkers are most likely to enter my office 8-11 seconds after I fart."

"Why is president Putin so hard to rape He won't stop putin up a fight."

"A cheetah stalking its prey would be jealous of the way I pounce on the Skip Ad button on YT once the 5 seconds are up."

"Did you hear about the orthopedic surgeon that replaced his knee with a metal implant? You could see the irony...."

"Shout out to the sense of wonder in the eyes of children. Also to pistachios. I'll eat a shit ton of pistachios. Mmmm pistachios."

"Why did Al Gore have to schedule a dentist appointment? Because of an inconvenient tooth."