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Joke of the Day

"She's not my fake internet girlfriend, she's my eBae."

"God: Don't eat that Apple. You can smoke this plant I made instead [20 min later] Adam: Sooo hungry Eve: Me too Adam: That apple looks good"

"A group of wild dads just ran into my back yard, built a shed, filled it with tools and told me not to touch any of them or I'd be grounded."

"Why do people in wheelchairs wear shoes? Do they think they're gonna magically start walking?"

"Why isn't a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?"

"Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills? Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills...."

"We saw the german chancellor fall down the stairs ! AUA !"

"Age is just a number? I stole $100 from your wallet and replaced it with a $5. Don't worry, they're just numbers."

"[texting] ex: your friends were looking at me really strange at the game. me: yeah well I told them you died in a hot air balloon accident."

"So a man had his eye lids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his foreskin He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed."