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Joke of the Day

"All through their lives, guys are called either ""young man"" or ""old man."" I guess they cut out the middle man."

"Me: Close your eyes. Give me your hand, darling. Can you feel my heart beating? Do you unders... Dr:(removes stethoscope) Really? Everytime?"

"Viagra shipment stolen... Hardened criminals on the loose."

"A group of mimes kidnapped me They did unspeakable things to me"

"[1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand"

"[Morgan Freeman narrating my life] ""He's still sleeping."""

"What's the difference between a preschool and a brothel? You should know this you sick fuck."

"What's common to both Adolf Hitler and Volkswagen? Both of them can kill people with poisonous fumes"

"What's the difference between a hooker and a dead baby? One makes you feel sick and the other one is free!"

"What do you call a fake noodle?... An Impasta!"