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Joke of the Day

"[1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand"

"Why did the Pepsi executive get fired? He tested positive for Coke."

"How to catch a polar bear: Step 1: cut a hole in the ice. Step 2: set a can of peas opened and in front of it. Step 3: When the bear comes to take a pea kick it in the ice hole."

"A married couple walks into a bar."

"How do you explain this gap in your resume? ""I was in jail."" Okay. Sure you weren't working for Trump's campaign? ""Swear to God. Jail."""

"What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies? Bingo"

"Why are there no gay suicide bombers? They can find millions of virgins just by going on Reddit."

"A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to the local swimming pool. So I gave him a cup of water."

"At the Bar I was not drunk.. ...At morning I discovered me on my bed but nude!!"

"My doctor said I can't lift more than ten pounds... Can you help me pee?"