18931

Joke of the Day

"[1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand"

"I used to think it was cool to be into guys 10+ years my senior but turns out all they want to do is talk about tv shows I never watched"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Benjamin. Benjamin Who? Yes, Benjamin Netanya Who."

"With Jupiter ascending flopping the wachowskis are planning to quit the movie biz and going into the fast growing Mexican food business They are planning on naming their company as the Nachoskis"

"How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello? Konnichihuahua"

"The only difference between a psychiatrist and a drug dealer is that the drug dealer doesn't make you wait an hour."

"Pokemon Go down south. I've never been happier to live in the Bible Belt."

"Why did Mozart kill his chickens? They were yelling ""Bach Bach Bach Bach"""

"What mammal dies after it mates? Anyone that goes near my wife!"

"No beer or Snacks?!? WORST. PARTY. EVER. Family: uh...this is an Intervention Me: LAME, look, Grandmas so bored she's crying"