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Joke of the Day

"NAME THAT FLOWER Q: What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin? A: Tulips."

"How did Helen Keller learn to masturbate? She was reading her lips."

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday... ...so I said, ""That's a big word for a seven-year-old"""

"Let me drink about it and get back to you."

"[gf comes home after spray tanning] Hey, orange you looking good! ""Thanks"" Anytime, pumpkin! ""You're sweet"" You're one in vermillion!"

"Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager."

"If you think Pi is 3142, then you're missing the point."

"Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest they said ""Sorry no professionals."""

"I've invented a new form of martial arts which involves fighting over a penny. It's called Jew-Jitsu"

"They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted."