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Joke of the Day

"Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager."

"Just found out why they replaced Gav in the Autoglass advertisements, apparently he died of indigestion. RIP #gavisgone."

"[interview] So what makes you qualified to be an x-ray technician? Superman: Are you being serious right now?"

"How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick? cause their cars are always Stalin"

"Why does Bruce Willis always play the bald guy?"

"How many ears does Spock have? Three The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear"

"I like my bourbon the way the Chinese like their women... 11 years old and mixed up with coke."

"""You a cop?"" UNDERCOVER COP: No. ""So you wouldn't mind if I ... threw these donuts away?"" UC: *sweats profusely*"

"Whats the difference between a hippy chick and a washing machine? When you drop a load in, it doesn't follow you around for 6 months trying to get spun. 8)"

"Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap. He was resisting a rest."