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Joke of the Day

"78% of parenting is spent anxiously praying they don't notice the minuscule lego piece you just vacuumed up."

"Because the unspeakable can also happen to men I bought myself a rape alarm. I'll be fucked if this thing doesn't work."

"What do you say to ensure another Jehovah's Witness never comes by your house again? Sir, have you heard about the great workout of crossfit?"

"I can't believe this guy took time away from his busy schedule of commenting on YouTube videos to make my McDonald's order wrong."

"Buddha: all life is suffering Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes"

"My leg got amputated Me: Can I take my leg home doc.? Doc.: Why? Me: Because is my right."

"Sometimes, I just want to be taken seriously. And sometimes, I just want to be taken, seriously."

"The next stick figure family I see with more than 3 stick figure kids is getting a complementary condom taped on their rear window."

"How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography? ""Dear Reader"""

"What did the necropheliac say to her boyfriend? Did rigor mortis just set in, or are you just happy to see me? Edit: I'm an idiot"