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Joke of the Day

"The next stick figure family I see with more than 3 stick figure kids is getting a complementary condom taped on their rear window."

"My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo."

"never hit a guy with glasses... hit him with a brick"

"[pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I'm missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*"

"You know what is intense? Camping. Is intense."

"and so, the squirrel who forgot where he buried his acorn became the squirel who planted this tall beautibful oak tree"

"Why ed has no girlfriend? Cz sheeran"

"What's the best way to get to church on sunday? Mass transit"

"Clowns divorce. Custardy battle."

"Why didn't the electron leave it's house? Because it was grounded."