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Joke of the Day

"I use my teethbrush then go play feetball and commit arms robbery. Just giving you a head up. - people with the right amount of body parts"

"Got a long rambling phone call in spanish.. I don't know who they were, or what they were saying, but im pretty sure they're bringing me tostadas in one hour."

"What runs all day but never gets tired? Water."

"spot whats sandpaper like? dog: ruff whats the long grass on a golf course called? d: ruff whats the job market like? d: steadily improving"

"What smells better than it taste? A nose"

"Life Goals Me at 14 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex Me at 34 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex"

"If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body. If he says you're pretty, he's looking at your face... If he says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother"

"Why do Italians carry slices of turd in their wallets? For identification."

"What's six feet tall, black and screaming? Stevie Wonder, answering the Iron."

"Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again."