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Joke of the Day

"Got a long rambling phone call in spanish.. I don't know who they were, or what they were saying, but im pretty sure they're bringing me tostadas in one hour."

"I got in from the pub and poured myself a glass of water. ""You're drunk, aren't you?"" said a disappointed voice behind me. ""What makes you say that, honey?"" I asked. She said, ""This isn't your house."""

"everytime pitbull performs i get scared because i probably know the words from drunken bar nights"

"What is a gentleman monkey? A gentleman monkey is a monkey that won't monkey around with another monkey's monkey."

"[bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT"

"Is it ok if i touch the paintings i have poor eyesight. also i have to have BBQ sauce on my hands because of religion"

"""Y'ever wonder why the TARDIS is square on the outside but round on the inside?"" *SuperCuts lady finishes my haircut without another word*"

"How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one... But it takes 4 episodes and Krillin dies..."

"A wise man once said... absolutely nothing. He let her vent and then they had sex afterward."

"To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential."