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Joke of the Day

"spot whats sandpaper like? dog: ruff whats the long grass on a golf course called? d: ruff whats the job market like? d: steadily improving"

"Toast I'd like to propose a toast, but I'm all out of bread."

"My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten."

"Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house"

"Wile E. Coyote's Amazon reviews of Acme products are pretty scathing."

"Kidnapping is the most misleading term ever I've had these kids in my trunk for an hour and I can't get them to stop screaming let alone nap"

"Did you hear about those two gay cannibals? I hear they're having a ball."

"Void? Y E S F R I E N D Why are you laughing? A J O K E Tell me? W H Y D I D T H E M A N D I E A L O N E I don't get it Y O U W I L L"

"Expecting an idiot to admit they're wrong feels a lot like trying to put socks on an octopus."

"What game do reindeer play in their stalls? Stable-tennis!"