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Joke of the Day

"Last night I had to change a light bulb, a bit later on I crossed the road, then walked into a bar... I began to realize my life was one big joke."

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer... I dont know what he laced them with,but Ive been tripping all day."

"I put Pepsi in my car instead of gas and now it doesn't work so think of that next time you reach for a refreshing soda."

"I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought ""oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"""

"By the power vested in me by this vintage merlot, I now pronounce us husband and wife. I may now kiss the bottle."

"A Jewish father and son are in their living room The son approaches his dad and asks ""Dad can I borrow $20?"" The Dad replies: ""Ten dollars? Son, why do you need five dollars?"""

"What do you call a Japanese boy who just got beat by his dad after getting got masterbating? A fap happy jappy with a slap happy pappy."

"Why is Jennie McCarthy so bad at RPG's? The last time her son had a healing potion he lost 15 IQ Points."

"I quit cold turkey. I just reheat it now."

"Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings? His shavings account."