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Joke of the Day

"""Welcome to Panda Express"" ""I'd like one panda"" ""Sorry we don't sell pand-"" *slips cashier $100* ""Meet me in the back alley in ten minutes"""

"""Blackhat"" opens to just $4M this weekend with a $70M budget, making it the first bomb of 2015. Biggest hack in the movie? Micheal Mann"

"HER: it's over between us ME: is it because of all my embroidery puns? HER: I thought you would stop ME: sew it seamed"

"I spend 90% of my time online waiting for password reset emails"

"What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends? They Turnip"

"Whats the difference between OP and a magical ram? One is a Fey Goat, while the other is a [karma whore](/spoiler)."

"If your uncle jack helped you off a horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse?"

"From a Christmas Cracker: What did the puppy say when it sat on sandpaper? Ruff"

"[emptying spam] ME: Why do I have so much canned meat?"

"Man this clown thing is really getting out of control there are even 2 clowns running for president ."