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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend didn't like my penis at first... ... but then it grew on her."

"I'm no scientist, but I'm sure that gravity is at it's strongest while laying in bed early in the mornings."

"ELF COP: You have the right to remain splendiferous! Anything you say will be wonderful-funderful! You CRIMINAL: Pls just take me to jail"

"Irishman applies for a job at a Blacksmiths. The Blacksmith asks ""Have you ever shoed a horse?"" The Irish man replies, ""No, but I once told a Donkey to fuck off."""

"When I grow up I wanna be a fire truck"

"Why can't Russia extradite US top-secret whistle-blowers? Because they're Snowden (snowed-in). To all the folks on the East coast, stay safe and warm."

"Doctor Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu! Didn't I see you yesterday?"

"Went to take my dog with no legs for a walk in the park... now its a dragon."

"It's perfectly fine to offer raisins to a guest (if nuclear winter is upon us & you're living in an underground bunker)"

"While climbing barefoot up mountains to meditate, Ghandi would squeeze garlic into his mouth to deal with hunger pains from fasting super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis"