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Joke of the Day

"""Hey Pop"" pleaded Angelo ""can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?"" ""What's the matter with you?"" asked his father. ""Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?"""

"Oh, you want me to watch everything you have in less than the one-month free trial period? Challenge accepted, Netflix."

"Look into a dog's eyes while it's pooping and you'll understand Nietzsche."

"Anyone else feeling solipsistic? No-one?"

"I got a vasectomy at Sears! Was really inexpensive, but now whenever I get an erection, my garage door opens."

"CUTE GIRL IN BAR: *walks up, points to my empty glass* Want another? ME: (OK don't blow this) Sure *she hands me her empty glass & leaves*"

"I don't think we should be to worried if Trump gets elected Politicians never keep their word"

"my bf is wonderful but he will never be as soft as my roommate's dog who moved out of the house WHY GREG WHY CAN'T YOU BE AS SOFT AS THE DOG"

"How do you stop a dog from jumping your leg? Pick it up and give it a blowjob."

"Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind it's too long."