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Joke of the Day

"my bf is wonderful but he will never be as soft as my roommate's dog who moved out of the house WHY GREG WHY CAN'T YOU BE AS SOFT AS THE DOG"

"I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching... ...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident."

"You may have the last laugh now, but we'll continue this discussion later when Im alone in my car pretending to be a stupider version of you"

"you're mama so fat... she broke her leg and gravy poured out."

"I love when couples get sick together because that's what people deserve for being happy."

"Slow and Steady Wins the Race. But Fast and Furious killed Paul Walker."

"Dirty Joke My teacher tells me there are 7 wonders of the world. I think there are only 2. *Vaginas and tits*"

"Words I thought I would never have to yell from the kitchen into the living room: ""DON'T GIVE THE CAT SCOTCH!"""

"[awesome life of caterpillar] 1) all I do is eat, awesome 2) time to sleep in this cozy bag, awesome 3) *wakes up*OMG I CAN FLY NOW, AWESOME"

"Roughly 60% of my childhood was spent trying to do the crane kick after watching Karate Kid."