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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind it's too long."

"I have ADHD How do I upgrade to AD4K?"

"A lot of women at the mall make me feel like I'm tripping on flaccid."

"My freshman year of college I farted in a tiny crowded dorm room & a girl's younger sister who was visiting & wasn't even drunk threw up."

"The cat's in the cradle....OMG. It ate the baby."

"I organized a threesome last night. There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time."

"*wipes pizza grease & sauce off mouth* *eats napkin*"

"What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's? Shakespeare (say it out loud)"

"Anybody ever get paid to smuggle drugs in their butt? ... Cause it sounds like a dope ass job."

"Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share."