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Joke of the Day

"There are only two types of people in this world... People who pee in the shower, and motherfucking liars."

"Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin? A: It is usually still in the case."

"Venison... is dear."

"Why can't you trick unemployed jesters? Because they're nobody's fool"

"My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said ""what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"""

"""How do you know that God isn't a woman?"" Because I'm not a sandwich."

"Why dont men like...nsfw Why don't men like... Prison? Butt rape. Aliens? Anal probes. Doctors? Prostate exams. Gays? Well I think you see where I'm going here."

"What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV? ""Sir, you dropped your receipt!"""

"This autographed Bible isn't authentic, unless Je$u$ is actually how he signed his name."

"what's the difference between reddit and 9gag? A week"