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Joke of the Day

"How did Freddie Mercury do in school? He got straight ""gays"""

"I began writing full time 20 years ago. I've sold lots - my tv, my car, my jewellery..."

"Me: Hi Kid: M: Still? It's been a week K: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT DURING A CAR ACCIDENT WAS TO PROTECT YOUR PHONE! M: You didn't die. Calm down."

"""Dad, why is my picture on that milk carton?"" ""Well, son, I guess it's time that I tell you the truth. You were adopted... from a dairy."""

"I asked my friend if drinking Metamucil because I love the taste of orange juice is weird She said, ""no... regular people do it all the time!"""

"Multitasking: screwing up several things at once."

"I handed a blind guy a sheet of sandpaper. He said he couldn't read the fine print."

"I still remember the gorilla who became super famous really quickly Dang, the fame hit him like a bullet."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To complete the joke."

"Jokes about unemployed people aren't funny they just don't work."