205281

Joke of the Day

"Me: Hi Kid: M: Still? It's been a week K: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT DURING A CAR ACCIDENT WAS TO PROTECT YOUR PHONE! M: You didn't die. Calm down."

"What is definition of indefinitely? When your balls are touching her ass, you are in-definatlly"

"Home Alone (1990) A know-it-all, suburban elitist cruelly humiliates two economically anxious men, seeking to improve their lives"

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I didn't pay 50 bucks to have a lentil on my face last night."

"Sure he's handsome, funny, smart, charming and successful, but can he fit 54 M&M's in his mouth at once? I didn' fink fo"

"What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road? He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months."

"Hi, Can I domesticate you?"

"What do you call the reptile that started the fight? The insti-gator."

"[begin metajoke] What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender? No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. [end metajoke]"

"What do you call bovine masturbation? Beef stroganoff!"