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Joke of the Day

"The day Facebook adds an option that you can like that someone liked something, I quit the internet forever."

"I would tell you the one about the broken pencil. But there's no point to it."

"When dealing with the police it's important to always remain calm and be white."

"I Like My Coffee How I Like My Women Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes by a donkey."

"I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close."

"How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Put peanut butter on it."

"How do you pick up a Jewish girl? With a dust pan and broom."

"ME: You've put on weight DRACULA: No I haven't. Prove it ME: When you fly, how many bats do you turn into? DRACULA: [deep sigh] A shitload"

"Learn how to Wiener Boop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exb1yVD8SHU&list=UUq54nlcoX-0pLcN5RhxHyug"

"Haegel, Nietzsche and Aristotle walk into a bar... Why?"