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Joke of the Day

"ME: You've put on weight DRACULA: No I haven't. Prove it ME: When you fly, how many bats do you turn into? DRACULA: [deep sigh] A shitload"

"So I'm in a hotel and call the front desk saying, ""Hey! I gotta leak in the sink!"" The clerk says, ""Go ahead, the customer's always right..."" (Henny Youngman)"

"I think Inception really hit home with me because it's basically a story about sleeping."

"Whats common between dark jokes and little kids with cancer... They never get old."

"Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici meaning I came, I saw, I conquered. Which is probably useful for explaining why the strip club down the street now has the motto: Veni, vidi, veni."

"What do you call a failing brand? Calvin DeKlein."

"I like my girls like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer."

"I asked a French person why us Americans piss them off so much I couldn't really understand what he said but I'm pretty sure it was ""Blah blah blah, I'm French, I'm better than everyone."""

"Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep? Because deep down they're good people."

"Hair Disorders by Dan Druff"