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Joke of the Day

"I Like My Coffee How I Like My Women Tied up in a burlap sack and dragged through the Andes by a donkey."

"My kids are playing cowboys and Indians. One is pretending to ride a horse and shoot stuff, the other is providing tech support."

"What's the best part of punching a tranny in the face? You get the pleasure of punching a woman but with none of the guilt!"

"Sharks don't sleep so I'm pretending I'm a shark except one that sings along with Lady Gaga. I'm Lady Sharkshark! Anyway, totally drunk."

"Me: *slowly unzips footed jammies* Him: Heyyy...you uh...wanna fool around? Me: What? No, I just lost an M&M in my onesie"

"I've never used the dust pan I once bought... It's been collecting dust in the closet for years."

"Where is the best place to find discounted ray bans? > marked as spam"

"I saw a man convulsing on the ground and jacking off... ...I thought he was having a seizure. Turned out he was just having a stroke!"

"When I die I don't want a big funeral. I'd just like a few of my close friends to get together and try to bring me back to life..."

"The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company."