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Joke of the Day

"Can you run a bath when you have the runs? ... only if you have enough."

"When you give someone a present, unless you say ""open it"", they're legally not allowed to look inside."

"Went to a zoo the other day. The only exhibit was a dog. it was a shitzu"

"""The past tense of LOL is not LOL'd, it's L'dOL."" - How I like to end a date with 18-25 year old girls."

"How does Lady Gaga like her meat? raw raw raw raw raw"

"I was helping Animal Control round up a stray dog today, and was hoping to get credit for the catch. But he got the collar."

"I used to joke that someday a person's tweets would be held against them as they ran for President but now there's Trump so I guess not."

"I asked my friend ""Do you know any other word for a big rock?"" He said ""Boulder?"" I said **""Do you know any other word for a big rock?""**"

"PATIENT: Doc, I haven't been able to bone my wife lately and I really think- DR DOG: Wait. Tell me more about the bone part"

"Officer: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pass Officer: have you been drinking? Me: pass Officer: You can't just keep.. Me: pass"