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Joke of the Day

"they played Twist,so I twisted. they played Jump, so I jumped. they played Come on Eileen ... and I was banned for life"

"Some people say don't bring a knife to a gun fight but I say DONT GO TO THE GUNFIGHT AT ALL ARE YOU KIDDING ME BULLETS HURT SO BAD OMG"

"Sex is a lot like chess. It takes practice to be good. You have to adapt quickly to your partner's moves. You're gonna sacrifice some horses"

"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Juan"

"Out of all the gruesome noises coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most troubling."

"I'm an apathetic druggie. I'm always high on crystal meh."

"A son is about to turn 18... So he goes to his father before his birthday and asks for a truck. The morning of his birthday he looks out his window at the driveway and sees a rented moving truck."

"What's the difference between my daughter and my wife? I need viagra to maintain erection with my wife."

"Parents w/ 1st Baby: ""Aww he's starting to walk! C'mon buddy, u can do it!"" Parents w/ Baby #4: ""SHIT, HE'S STANDING! QUICK, SWEEP THE LEG!"""

"I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think"