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Joke of the Day

"Some people say don't bring a knife to a gun fight but I say DONT GO TO THE GUNFIGHT AT ALL ARE YOU KIDDING ME BULLETS HURT SO BAD OMG"

"LPT: If your girl ever asks you which of her friends you want to have a three-way with, DO NOT GIVE HER TWO NAMES!"

"There's plenty of deeply disturbed fish in the sea."

"Perverts have made it so you can't even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls' college diving team meets anymore."

"Why do Women rub their eyes when they wake up? (NSFW) A: They don't have balls to scratch!!"

"Why is it that when kids touch themselves, it's ""perfectly natural""... but when I do it, I'm a ""pedophile""?"

"How's it like living in a totalitarian regime? Can't complain."

"A few years ago, Katy Perry came up to me at a party and whispered, ""I want you to pound my little asshole."" ""You're on."" I narrowed my eyes, ""Is he here?"""

"Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry? Because red shirts die easily."

"What do pirates and pimps both have in common.... ...they both say ""yo ho"" and plunder the bootie! Compliments of my gf :)"