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Joke of the Day

"I love this time of year, when the temperature changes from believing in global warming to not believing in global warming."

"""but what if I ask someone a question and they answer it"" - me sitting in my house too nervous to go to my neighbors party I was invited to"

"I used to think I was smart, a life-long learner. Turns out I'm just confused all the time."

"I would never let MY child act like that. -things my friends without kids say."

"""I have to go eat cake now"", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided."

"So i made a joke about paper.. but it was tearable"

"What's the difference between a lobster with boobs and a filthy bus stop? One's a busty crustacean while the other's a crusty bus station."

"Just put some trousers on I last wore at a wedding in 2001 and found a Nokia 3210 in the back pocket. It's still got 2 bars of battery on it."

"What is Minecraft? It's Hitler's lesser known second book about his love of knitting. Officially the title is Mein Kraft but, the kids like this spelling more."

"Umm Adele, have you tried texting?"