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Joke of the Day
"So i made a joke about paper.. but it was tearable"
Next Joke
"I'm 94% sure I'm going to die in a running in flip flops incident."
"Turned out the lights I started walking down the stairs, and I flipped the light switch to off. It wasn't a bright idea. I'll see myself out."
"What's the only thing working out at the gym? The business plan."
"I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight... to fulfill my fantasy... that we have health insurance."
"""I love u"" ""Umm isn't it a bit too soon to say I love you?"" ""Oh ha I meant the letter U. What's your fav u word? Mine is Unreciprocated lol"""
"[Clinic waiting room] Me: WHEN DO WE DO BUTT STUFF??! Nurse: Sir don't shout that! Me: [whispering to old lady next to me] butt stuff. when?"
"What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? The pizza doesn't scream in the oven"
"I sat down and watched this movie with Nicolas Cage the other day... We talked through the whole movie and he is actually a pretty cool guy."
"Who invented cereals? Chris P."