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Joke of the Day

"Coroner's Report Coroner: Report complete. Police: What was the cause of death? Coroner: The cause of death was that I sliced him open and performed an autopsy."

"Once I had completed my final exam, my professor told me to turn it in to one of the teaching assistants. Good thing I have been practicing my origami."

"I could tell a good gardening joke but it's too dirty."

"sorry i'm late, i have terrible time management skills and zero perception of distance as it pertains to speed of travel"

"Are you a psychic porn star? Because you're blowing my mind"

"Dad: I'm so hungry. Me: Hi, so hungry I'm son! *Dad turns head very slowly* [camera cuts to Dad patting down pile of dirt with shovel]"

"My parents just googled me and now they're crying"

"Me: And the award for the most awesome daddy goes to...? *6 blinks M: The most awesome daddy award goes to...? *6 blinks M: 6: Luke's dad?"

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? (NSFW) At least a zit waits you're a teenage boy before it cums on your face."

"Dear Americans: It's called snow. It's cold and wet, but can't hurt you from inside the house. It has no opposable thumbs. #AskCanada"