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Joke of the Day

"Are you a psychic porn star? Because you're blowing my mind"

"Drake jokes I'll start: Drake the type of dude to stare at the biggest dude in jail directly in the eyes then SLAM the soap on the bathroom floor."

"Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage."

"I was wondering why it gets bright even before I see the sun rise in the morning. Then it dawned on me."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One? Or two?"

"I spent 10 minutes comparing minivans with another dad in case you wondered what it's like to be dead inside."

"most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don't want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you"

"Why did Obama and liberals decide to tax aspirin? Because it's white and it works"

"What's brown and sticky? A poop."

"How many seconds are there in a day in Africa? Seconds? They barely get firsts!"