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Joke of the Day

"Me: And the award for the most awesome daddy goes to...? *6 blinks M: The most awesome daddy award goes to...? *6 blinks M: 6: Luke's dad?"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked the problem out with a pencil."

"My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I always relate everything to Batman. What a Joker."

"I'll play duck-duck-goose and give all gooses. I don't give a duck."

"A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately she's had a lot of problems with squatters."

"Me: Table for four, please. And can we get some crayons? Her: Will there be children dining today? Me: No. The crayons are for me."

"If my girlfriend is late for work & looking for keys, I help by following her around the house & looking in exactly the same spots she does."

"What did the man who frequents the internet do with a book? He Reddit."

"A cream-filled doughnut and an eclair... ...decided to get a divorce. It's a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They're in for a long, grueling custardy battle."

"I walked past Winnie the Pooh's grave earlier today It read *Here Lies Winnie the Dead Shit*"