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Joke of the Day

"Yeah, I can't believe the shitty teenager making minimum wage at the coffee shop spelled your name wrong on your cup either."

"Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach in the saddle again."

"Government Shutdown: Day 4 3am: Monkey House, National Zoo A door crashes open. A triumphant screech. Ben Stiller escapes into the night."

"How does Pocahontas celebrate her Cake Day? With a Pao Wow."

"I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far'"

"[mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like me flying a hot air balloon into power lines] Me: is that good"

"I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, ""your baby jumped out!"" before she gave me the finger."

"A Mexican Magician... A Mexican magician says he will dissappear on the count of three. Uno... Dos... *poof* He's disappeared... Without a tres."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his George Clooney movies... But he's never gonna give you Up In the Air."

"Christians have the first name Christian, Muslims Mohammed, Jews Isaac, what boys name do atheist have? Godfrey"