66476

Joke of the Day

"How does Pocahontas celebrate her Cake Day? With a Pao Wow."

"It's oddly fitting that most Americans celebrate Presidents' Day by taking the day off and not doing the job they were hired to do."

"Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their's that they don't ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat."

"What do you call a cow that starts it's own nudie magazine? Hugh Heifer"

"PETER PIPER: honey i picked another peck of pickled peppers WIFE: [motioning to pantry already full of peppers] peter literally what the fu"

"If I ever lose my phone I want Liam Neeson looking for it"

"[After date, walking her to her door] Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don't want to."

"I hit 2k followers. Now that I've gathered you all here, I'd like to discuss the benefits of Amway"

"I know I'm supposed to be outraged about this whole NSA phone tapping scandal, but I've got to admit, its a little refreshing that after a decade of marriage, someone is finally listening to me."

"There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you. It's a Cos-Bee."