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Joke of the Day

"I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, ""your baby jumped out!"" before she gave me the finger."

"I like mixing laxatives and nitrous oxide on a regular basis, but it's OK... ...I only do it for shits and giggles."

"How's your homophone needlepoint project coming along? Sew sew"

"What's the difference between a pedophile and acne? Acne waits for puberty to cum on your face"

"What did a Vegetarian Cannibal eat? Stephen Hawking."

"I went to a pet shop to buy a goldfish today... The worker asked if I'd like an aquarium, but I told him ""I don't care what starsign it is."""

"Why don't we hear cannibal jokes anymore? Because after they ate the clowns, nothing is funny."

"As a matter of fact, I _AM_ trying to cause a big sensation... Just talkin' 'bout double p-penetration"

"What is a ghost's favorite type of porn? Booooookake"

"Standing in the boys clothes section at Kohls waiting for my wife. I just realized I look creepy. Better move to the little girls section."