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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the one about the American military aviation enthusiast who bought himself a French fighter plane? He was arrested for possession of an Assault Rafale."

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"It's been scientifically proven that women who worry are smart. I must be a freaking genius."
"Speed dating (Don't say anything embarrassing) ""So do you ever eat raisins and then later poop rehydrated grapes?"" (DAMMIT!)"
"What's the difference between a baby shower and a bukkake? Nothing."
"""Hey left ball!""...""What, right ball?"" Who's the penis in betweenus?"
"5yo: I dropped my damn spoon! Me: Don't be using that word! 5yo: Is it a bad word? Me: It is.. 5yo: Ok..I dropped my damn ""food scooper""?"
"What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they were married? Fiancee"
"A guy with a locked account just asked me why I never retweet him. Stay in school kids."
"Opening a bag of M&M's will produce no sound to a normal human. A toddler, it's like the atomic blast at Nagasaki to those creatures"
"There is no I in Team, but there's always one big A... if you know what I mean."